A hostile transformation quickly overtook the facility’s once-polite patrons, who began judging everything—and everyone—around them. Formerly shy exercisers were soon overheard hurling playground insults such as “fat,” “stinky,” and even “stupid idiot baby” at one another between sets.
“I just wanted to do chest day without being zinged,” said local member Rick Miller, who confirmed he had been called ‘a morbidly obese buffoon’ by three strangers on stationary bikes.
Several reports indicated it was as if members’ long-suppressed judgmental demons had been unleashed upon the premises. As staff were unwilling to ask the entire gym to vacate the building, licensed exorcists were eventually called to the scene.
Efforts to exorcise the exercisers proved unsuccessful, however, as the insults and jeers did not subside until three of the four rolls of toilet paper gently rolled off the sign.
Now reading “Judgement ree Zone,” members reportedly began crawling on hands and knees, snorting like pigs. Sources confirm that “REEEEEE” remains the most commonly used form of communication.
Membership levels remain unchanged.
Originally published by The Battleton Brawler, a Daily Honker paper.
Daily Honker Archive — Article 001
© Skwoo HQ
0 Comments